- Heythem's Letter
- The 11 Pillars of A Masculine Man
The 11 Pillars of A Masculine Man
What does it mean to be a masculine man? Here's everything you need to know. Masculinity is beautiful and needed in this world. Don’t let yourself be told otherwise.
I struggled with embracing my masculinity. I tried so hard not to be that "toxic arab guy." That led me to neglect my masculinity.
Since I’m embracing my masculinity, I feel much better. I'm more alive and driven. I’m living closer to my true nature.
But embracing masculinity is not easy. You’ll need to face yourself in a way you haven’t done before. It can get dark. But if we look deep enough, we'll find the light in the darkness.
So, I invite you to come with me. Allow yourself to look deep within yourself to find the answers you’re looking for.
Join me in exploring the question: What does it mean to be a masculine man?
Table of Contents
What Are The 11 Pillars of Masculinity?
There are many definitions of Masculinity out there.
After reading countless books and asking my audience, I found the X most important Pillars of masculinity.
Let's go over them step-by-step:
The masculine man has a purpose.
He has the drive and courage to pursue his deepest truth. Purpose heals yourself and the people around you. And the masculine knows that.
The masculine knows that he needs to have purpose in life.
It sounds cheesy, but it’s crucial. There’s nothing without it. You need to find something you obsess about. Something you could do every day. Something that has an impact on this world.
If you don’t have a purpose, you need to find it. And you do that by confronting yourself. You have to learn how to introspect.
The masculine knows that purpose is feminine. Purpose doesn’t like to pursue, it likes to be pursued. It won’t come to you. You need to have the courage to look.
And where should you look? Within and without. Introspect, educate, explore.
I promise you if you look deep enough, you’ll find your purpose. This has never been not the case. The ones who don't find haven't looked deep enough.
The masculine stands straight with his shoulders wide and his head high.
Many confuse confidence with arrogance. But arrogance is actually the opposite of confidence. Arrogance is insecurity. Confidence is strength.
I used to make myself smaller than I am. Follow the crowd, never decide where the group should go. It’s because I wasn’t trusting myself.
So, how did I develop confidence? By accumulating proof that I am worthy. The masculine doesn’t use positive affirmations. The masculine goes out there and destroys his self-doubt by proving it wrong.
Destroy your self-doubt by taking action.
The masculine knows that he has to have a direction in his life. He knows where he needs to go, and he has a vision.
Your direction has to be so strong that NOTHING will lead you off that path. Not your wife and not your children. The masculine knows that his direction will always come first.
People around you have to feel that you put your vision first. The masculine needs drive and direction in his life.
Without it, he feels lost and weak. No direction in life kills the masculine.
Integrity = Discipline.
There's no masculinity without integrity.
Integrity means to do what you said you’ll do. Remember the confidence we talked about? Integrity is how you build confidence.
The masculine knows how to be disciplined. He knows he needs to have integrity to build confidence and trust in himself.
The Masculine has humor.
He's not afraid to smile. Not afraid to show positive emotions.
The masculine is alive. He's stoic when needed and humourous and loving otherwise.
The masculine smiles, hugs, and makes jokes. He knows when when he needs to be assertive and dominant, and when to be loving and playful.
It takes practice, but it's important: Don’t neglect your humor. A man without humor is not alive.
Masculinity doesn’t exist without a spiritual dimension.
A man has to be spiritual. Whether it’s a belief in god, nature, or the universe. There’s a higher power guiding life on earth, and the masculine understands that.
The spiritually alive man knows that there’s more to life than the materialistic dimension.
He meditates, journals, and looks at the stars at night with a smile on his face. He understands that there’s a higher power he can trust in. A higher power guiding and protecting him.
The masculine understands that all life on earth is connected. A masculine man is a spiritual man.
7. Living His Deepest Truth
A masculine man lives his deepest truth.
He knows that a life is not worth living without living out what you are.
He’s courageous enough to speak his heart even if it offends some people. He knows that if you never offend, you cannot be honest.
He looks for his purpose, goes within, finds his truth, and lives it. He is on the pursuit to get to know himself better.
If you don’t know your deepest truth, you need to find it. Don’t wait for it to come to you.
The ones who are not afraid to look will find. Once you find it, live it. Live it even if it hurts. Living your deepest truth is the pursuit of the masculine..
A masculine understands that he needs to lead.
If a man cannot lead, he cannot be masculine.
This doesn’t mean you need to lead in every aspect of your life. But you need to be capable of leading your family. Your wife and children. The masculine understands that this is his role.
A masculine man leads with confidence even if he’s unsure. He cultivates trust in himself that he is capable. He knows that people can rely on him.
A man who cannot lead will always struggle with his masculinity.
The masculine is responsible.
The masculine doesn't seek short-term pleasures. He understands that these will hurt him and his surroundings in the long term.
A masculine man is somebody people can rely on. Coworkers come to him when they are unsure. His children and wife ask him for guidance. He's the one comforting his family members at his own father's funeral. He's the one people come to for comfort.
People don't have to worry about him. They know that he knows what he's doing. They know he won't give in to the demons of casual sex, excessive alcohol consumption, and gambling.
Irresponsibility kills the masculine.
The masculine has courage.
A masculine man is willing to take risks if necessary. He’s willing to speak his truth even if it hurts even if he’ll lose friends.
He’s courageous enough to live with an open heart. He stands amidst the pain and suffering and stays open to receive.
The masculine man doesn’t stay in his comfort zone. He understands that he needs to seek the discomfort. That he needs to live on the edge of his abilities.
A masculine man is a courageous man. That doesn’t mean a man who’s not afraid. It means a man who acts despite his fears.
The masculine is resilient.
A masculine man embraces hard times. He knows that these times are necessary for him to grow.
The masculine is strong amidst the pain. He acts despite his negative emotions. He doesn’t neglect his emotions, but he doesn’t let them control him.
He knows that whatever life throws at him, he will stay open and loving.
A masculine man is the strongest person at his own father’s funeral.
The masculine man is vulnerable but not weak.
Masculinity is beautiful and needed in this world. Don’t let yourself be told otherwise.
But it’s not easy to be masculine. These are traits that have to be developed over a lifetime.
These pillars shouldn’t serve as telling you how weak you are. They serve as a roadmap for which traits to strive for. In some, we’re better, and in some, we’re worse.
But we need to work toward becoming this masculine essence the world needs so much.
And it’s very achievable. Go on the path of exploration, and that which you need will come to you.
Trust, love, and live life with an open heart. That's true masculinity.