Read this if you don't feel understood

In todays age we hear a lot about rising mental and physical struggles. Depression, anxiety, obesity, the list goes on…

But we forget about one of the worst ones:

In the 21st century, most people feel misunderstood.

Many lack a sense of belonging, resulting in an intense feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness stems from the feeling of not being understood by others. No matter how many people you have around you.

Let me know if any of the following resonates. Do you ever feel like:

• no one sees the full picture of who you are?

• no one really “gets” you, even the people closest to you?

• people see only the surface, but not what’s happening inside you?

• when you speak from the heart, others don’t take the time to listen?

• craving deeper conversations but only getting surface-level small talk?

• when you try to open up, do you feel dismissed, ignored, or even judged?

• the advice people give you misses the point of what you’re going through?

• you hold back sharing things because you’re afraid others won’t understand?

If you can relate to the above, then you have a deep unfulfilled craving to feel understood.

As for me, I can relate to most of the things listed above. Sometimes more and sometimes less (depending on who I am with).

The other day my best friend even said to me: “Heythem I think you have a deep desire to be understood”.

And he is right. I want to be understood and I feel annoyed, frustrated, and sad when I don’t.

So I asked myself - why is that?

See, I grew up in an Arabic household within German society. And I ended up not feeling understood from both sides.

The Germans would:

• Question why I wouldn’t eat certain things

• Wonder why I don’t celebrate Christmas or Easter

• Not understand when I talk about the beauty of Islam

• See my parents’ values or rules as overly strict or outdated.

• Be uncomfortable or laugh when I spoke Arabic in front of them

• Make assumptions about my family or culture based on stereotypes.

• Question why I couldn’t always join in sleepovers, parties, or activities.

And the Arabs would:

• Question why I travel so much, seeing it as risky and irresponsible

• want me to get a job instead of building a business, seeing it as too risky

• Judge me for changing my clothing style, growing my hair long, or getting tattoos

• Criticize my interest in spirituality, like enjoying nature walks, exploring other religions, or being curious about psychedelics.

• Expect me to follow a safer, more traditional path, like going to university immediately after school and studying medicine or engineering instead of psychology.

Result?

I spent most of my life not feeling understood.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m currently on the path of falling in love with both cultures again and appreciating what they have given me.

I’m proud of who I am and I’m happy about the way I grew up. But still, there is this nagging feeling of “not being understood”.

And the more I talk to people the more I learn that this is a widespread phenomenon. People don’t feel understood. And I must say it was kinda nice to learn that I’m not alone with this!

So why don’t we feel understood anymore?

In today’s globalized world, we have immense influence from all kinds of cultures, ways of living, religions, values, norms, and lifestyles.

People have the freedom like never before to create their own ways of living.

While that’s beautiful, it also causes a divide between one another (see the current state of politics…)

This individual exploration of “how do I want to live” leads us to become much more different from one another.

The generational gap widens, the strong sense of independence and self-expression becomes stronger, and people don’t want to adhere to other people’s expectations anymore.

Problem: Understanding each other becomes much harder.

So if you feel misunderstood, I just want you to know: You’re not alone. It’s a new world everybody is trying to navigate.

But I don’t want to leave you hanging there…I contemplated a lot on “how to feel more understood by others?”

I gave it a lot of thought and the only reasonable conclusion I came to is: Understand other people.

Understand others to be understood.

When Gandhi was asked: "What message do you want to give to the future generations?”

Ghandi responded: “My life is my message”.

Lead by example. Be curious, let go of your judgment, refuse to stay ignorant, and make people feel seen.

We are quick to judge somebody’s values, religion, political views, etc,… and that’s where the problem is - we judge other people.

But the truth is: All judgment is a sign of ignorance. The more you try to understand somebody the less judgment you will have.

And the best thing - the more you try to understand others the more understood you will feel (at least in my experience).

So be an example of empathy, care, and kindness. The less lonely you will make other people feel the less lonely you will be.

I’m almost certain about this (currently practicing this myself).

And just because it’s so fitting here, the words of Ram Dass summarizes the solution perfectly:

“We're all just walking each other home.”

Meaning, separation is an illusion. By hurting others, you're hurting yourself. Together, with love, acceptance, and non-judgment, we walk each other one step closer to God.

Could you resonate with this message and want to hear more?

Please reply with a quick “yes” if you did and I will make sure to do more content like that one. And of course, if you have a question or just want to have a chat, I’m here as well.

With love and until next time,

Heythem

P.S.: just launched a new episode on my podcast (yes I have one! 😄 never really promoted it). I learned about many therapeutic techniques in my Psychology studies, but this technique has been helping me the most - you can listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/63FiTgct69jOF27zVx03nx?si=4a25bdd62c0a4305